Uncomfortable Touching Makes Me Uncomfortable

I always knew that I never needed much.
Of course, this is mostly referring to affection.
 It was never something that seemed like a necessity. The awkward physical contact, I still don't really understood other people's desperation, and odd craving for it.
Up until maybe a year ago, I never even really hugged people- feeling that being that close to someone else would only make me uncomfortably warm. Naturally, I became what you would call a guru at dodging such acts. I squirm, ninja roll, jump, flip and many other movements to evade such prolonged exposure to the skin of another human, that acted like poison, making a heat burn in my face.
Of course, in the act of relationships, it is something that is viewed as a norm.The hand-holding, hugging, kissing, etc.
I guess I have time, as I sit in this class (unable to converse), to explain my issues with these common acts of intimacy.
Hand Holding 
Definition: a grip or secure hold with the hand or hands.
Hand-holding always was quite uncomfortable for me. Such a simple act of intimacy always lead to an uncomfortable situation. I am fairly certain that I cannot be the only person who finds such situation uncomfortable for on reason- sweaty palms. Look at that! Your hands are freaking crying! That is how much they dislike the entwined fingers, you suffocate them. Can walking next to each other suffice? Jesus.
 I was always pretty bad for avoiding hand-holding,which could possibly be one of the main reasons I remain single... but who the hell cares?
 I'm protecting my hands from being over heated and drenched in the sweat of others! It leaves your hands cold, clammy and all around disgusting. Its also awkward, especially while walking. Who's hand will dominate the other? How do you decide? While attempting to figure this out on the go, it usually leads to an abundance of pointless adjustment. One person always needs to assert themselves, and be the decision maker. I think in the hand holding process, one person will always remain uncomfortable. I say avoid it! I think the fact that their is a how-to on hand holding, it is definitely not something that is supposed to come naturally to us normal people (see: How to Hold Hands: 10 steps (with pictures)). How about we just stop it and let our poor hands breathe okay?

Hug 

Definition: Squeeze (someone) tightly in one's arms, typically to express affection.

Next I suppose is the hug, such a common affectionate act. Okay, I have to admit, I don't mind hugging when I really need it (if I'm sad or something), or if someone else needs it. It is such a powerful comforting action... but seriously, if I don't need it, don't try it. I guess I just wasn't exposed to hugs much as a kid, besides the occasional hug from a relative. Getting into elementary school, around grade 6 or 7, I found people trying to hug me alarming. I took it as an offensive maneuver to trap me, so I went into defense mode. As soon as someone would wrap their arms around me and attempt to crush my frail bones, I would sink my teeth into anything I could. This went on for almost 5 years, I have become more used to the idea of it. Still, I don't want other people stealing my body heat, and I sure as hell don't need theirs.
As previously stated, I really do not enjoy the whole... experience of a hug, and tend to become unnaturally warm, a sign of embarrassment or being uncomfortable. I have acquired such skills over the years, that has allowed me to be a master of avoiding this situation- but sometimes I can't escape it.

Kiss
Definition: to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc.

The swapping of saliva through what could be a failed attempt of mouth -to-mouth resuscitation, a.k.a kissing, snogging, tonsil hockey, making out, face sucking, etc. Such a disgusting act, with such an unlikeable sound. A friend recently told me of its scientific significance in courting... but still, nasty. (I avoid a picture for this one).
I have also tried to avoid kissing, because it is always awkward. Everyone kisses differently, and sometimes it just gets down-right sloppy. A mass of lips clashing against lips with spittle flying everywhere. Usually, dramatized and exaggerated that leads full out sucking of face. One person's face, completely consumed by the fat lips of another person.
It is also uncomfortable when you are in the position, where you are watching a couple engaging in this unsanitary act. Slurps and heavy breathing, adding unnecessary qualities - God Damn it! Breath! The art of avoiding this one is rather simple, just act completely oblivious. When someone tries to make the moves, begin to emit a high-pitch, siren like noise, and they are sure to back the hell off.


Sex 
Definition: Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration, esp. the insertion of a man's erect penis into a woman's vagina.


No- Just no.